Conversation Guide: Sexual and Relationship Violence
Your Role Matters
On college campuses nationwide, including UW–Madison, sexual assault, sexual harassment, stalking, and dating violence are realities that can affect students of any identity.
Speaking about sex can be challenging; however, having open conversations about consent can support students in being comfortable expressing needs and boundaries, which supports healthy, respectful relationships.
Tips for Talking About Sexual and Relationship Violence with Your Student
- Reference values: You’ve likely had conversations with your student about academic readiness and preparing for their future career. But what about preparing them for success to have lifelong, fulfilling intimate relationships built on mutual respect and open communication? Start or continue “relationship readiness” conversations with your student. What are their needs, wants, and dealbreakers in relationships? What are the ways they plan to be a good partner?
- Keep it simple: Look for opportunities to weave topics of sex, gender, dating, and communication into everyday interactions. Open the door for conversations early, often, and casually. Rather than attempt lengthy conversations, ask simple, open-ended questions and listen without judgment. Find opportunities to ask them what they think about a TV show, news story, or social media trend. Encourage them to explore what they want out of their social life or dating experiences in college. You don’t have to be an expert!
- Avoid reinforcing harmful or outdated norms. In conversations with your student, you can challenge attitudes and beliefs that get in the way of preventing interpersonal violence. Some of these sentiments are connected to deeply ingrained beliefs about sex, dating, or college life. Avoid comments that may unintentionally normalize harmful behaviors like, “Sex and dating are filled with mixed signals and messages,” or “That’s just part of the college experience.”
- Prepare them to be active bystanders: Encourage your student to think about the red flags for sexual and relationship violence. They may be in a position to safely intervene in a potentially harmful situation. Red flags can include someone who does not respect boundaries, is sexually aggressive, or is jealous and controlling. Your student has likely seen many red flags already—what will their plan be for looking out for their peers once on campus?
Starting the Conversation
Starting the Conversation
Having Proactive Conversations
- Be aware of your and your student’s comfort level. Sometimes talking about friends, pop culture, or current events can be a more comfortable way in.
- What did you think about the relationship between the characters in that movie?
- How would you support a friend or roommate if their boundaries are crossed?
- What did you think about the online violence prevention programs (U Got This! and GetWIse) that you completed before coming to campus?
- Affirm consent and boundary-setting early.
- Communication is an important part of sex and dating. How comfortable do you feel voicing what you want and need?
- No one has the right to cross your boundaries or push you further than you want. something in a given moment?
Offering Support
Supporting Your Student After Victimization
Did you know? College sexual assault survivors are more likely to disclose their experiences to parents who discuss sex with them in nonjudgmental and positive ways.
If your student approaches you after experiencing sexual or relationship violence:
- Be empathetic and supportive. Allow your student to share as much or as little as they feel comfortable sharing.
- Say: Thank you for trusting me enough to share this with me. What will help you feel supported?
- Avoid: Are you sure this wasn’t just a misunderstanding? Were you drinking?
- Focus on their options, without pressuring them to seek certain kinds of support.
- Say: I support your decision to use resources/services. There are people who can help, even if you don’t want to report.
- Avoid: You need to report this to the university right now.
Sexual and Relationship Violence Resources
Preventing Violence
Required Violence Prevention Programs for Incoming Students
All incoming undergraduate students are required to complete U Got This! And GetWIse. These online programs build students’ knowledge of violence prevention and survivor support topics. Incoming students must complete U Got This! by August 27 and GetWIse by October 15.
UHS Violence Prevention
UHS Violence Prevention works to build the capacity of the campus community to prevent violence, support survivors, and shift the culture.
Support After Victimization
UHS Survivor Services
No-cost confidential services for student survivors of sexual assault, intimate partner violence, sexual exploitation, and/or stalking. Services include individual and group counseling, information about rights, resources, and reporting options, case management, and accompaniment. UHS is also equipped to provide emotional support, safety planning, and support with accommodations.
Medical Care After an Unwanted Sexual Encounter
Treatment of injuries, emergency contraception, pregnancy testing, HIV testing, wellness services, and screening and treatment for other STIs. Appointments by phone or via MyUHS. Students who need to be seen following sexual assault don’t need an appointment and can drop-in during business hours.
Off-Campus Resources
Additional resources are available in the Madison community and are listed on the UHS Survivor Services webpage.
Policies
- UW-Madison’s Policy on Sexual Harassment and Sexual Violence prohibits sexual harassment and sexual violence (including sexual assault, dating violence, domestic violence, stalking, and sexual exploitation). This policy outlines both expectations of campus community members for appropriate conduct, as well as the university’s role in managing training, reporting options, investigatory proceedings, resources, and rights.
- Amnesty Through Responsible Action: Victims of violent crimes, including sexual assault, are encouraged to seek help—even if they were drinking underage or using drugs. Under the Amnesty Through Responsible Action Policy, neither a student victim or a witness will be subject to disciplinary action for their improper use of alcohol (e.g., underage drinking) and/or other drugs. Most cases of campus sexual assault involve the use of alcohol, and this policy helps prevent barriers to student help-seeking.
Involvement
Is your student passionate about survivor advocacy or anti-violence activism? There are plenty of opportunities to get involved on campus, whether it be through volunteering, joining a student organization, or getting involved in Title IX issues through student government. Learn more about student involvement opportunities.