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The Parent Program is here for you.

Parent Program Web site
parent@uwmad.wisc.edu
608-262-3977
877-262-3977

Professional Staff:
Nancy Sandhu
Patti Lux-Weber

Student Interns:
Julie Bohl
Megan Buboltz
Kim Mueller

Learning the Language of Support

In almost every exchange with your student—whether you’re talking, texting, or even Twittering—you have a chance to support and encourage his or her success in the classroom, participation in out-of-class activities, and the ability to get through those inevitable tough times.

Photo of a student studying.

Outside of class, students study an average of three to four hours per week, per credit.

Badger Parent consulted with a group of students, parents, faculty, and staff members for advice on the best ways to “learn the language” of support and encouragement so that you can be an effective mentor for your student.

To succeed academically, the group agreed, other facets of a student’s life—including the transition to college, health, and state of mind—also need to be in synch. The key to promoting this kind of wellness is learning as much as you can about how your son or daughter is feeling while being open and nonjudgmental.

“I think the best way for parents to support their first-year students is to be supportive listeners when needed,” says UW–Madison student Solly Kane. “Transitioning to college can be difficult, and it is helpful to know that your parents are there for you. Sometimes just listening and talking is the most effective way to be supportive.”

Keep in mind that the support a student needs most may change, depending upon the issue—and sometimes as frequently as day to day.

Christopher Lee, an assistant dean in the College of Letters and Science, says that, as a parent, you have an advantage: knowing your student as well as you do provides clues to the real issues.

“Listen carefully to your own gut,” he says. “Students are often unwilling to admit problems to their parents, even though they would like to.”

Lee advises that it’s always better to frame the discussion with a question—such as, “How are you feeling about school?”—than to start by asking if something is wrong. Asking open-ended questions, rather than asserting opinions, is another way to approach the conversation, he adds.

For example, if your student says, “I’m not good at chemistry,” you could respond with, “I know you are smart and can do it. Keep trying.” This response, while supportive, has limitations. It places the student in the position of having to prove that he or she is smart by doing well.

Instead, you could ask, “What are you having trouble with?” This question is more likely to elicit useful information about what is wrong, ranging from problems with math to not attending lectures. When students are given the chance to identify the problems themselves, they are much more likely to attempt to solve them, Lee says.

Susan Brantly, professor of Scandinavian Studies and director of the Bradley Learning Community, agrees that it is important to listen and sympathize when your student calls and is homesick or frustrated about something. But, she says, it’s then most helpful to encourage him or her to begin solving the problems independently.

For students living in University Housing, House Fellows or residence life staff are particularly adept at coaching students to solve problems and redirecting them to the many campus resources.

Cathy Middlecamp, distinguished faculty associate in the chemistry department, reminds parents that a student’s health can have a major impact on academic performance near the end of the semester. If your student is sending e-mails at 2 a.m. or is sounding particularly worn out during your conversations, remind him or her to pay attention to the basics, such as sleeping enough and eating well, to stay healthy.

“Some students may be independent enough to do... things on their own, while others may need more encouragement from parents.”

“This is about the time of the semester that everyone gets tired and ill,” she says. “Signs of exhaustion are frequently followed by illness. Stakes are higher now when [students] get sick, in terms of making up lectures or assignments.”

Beyond mental and physical wellness, parents can encourage their student to participate in activities that supplement academic experiences, such as study abroad, undergraduate research, or leadership programs—all of which are components of the Wisconsin Experience, and some of which are unique to UW–Madison.

The key is to know which approach to take, says Kane. “It’s important for students to be successful in the classroom and to be engaged in the Wisconsin Experience,” he says. “Some students may be independent enough to do both of these things on their own, while others may need more encouragement from parents. I think it’s important for parents, who know their student best, to recognize whether their encouragement is going to be successful or inhibiting.”

Ann Niedermeyer is the parent of a recent graduate who has gone on to a year of AmeriCorps service for a non-profit organization devoted to HIV prevention. When talking with her student, Niedermeyer says, she stressed the importance of breaking the university down into smaller communities or niches within which her daughter could find a place.

She also urged her daughter to contact and get to know her instructors during office hours outside the lecture hall. It’s not easy to convince a student to approach a faculty member out of the blue, she acknowledges. But her daughter found that her instructors were extremely open and helpful, and that the interactions provided academic support and advice on future course selections, and opened the doors to excellent opportunities as a peer mentor and for study abroad in Argentina.

In addition, Niedermeyer says, she’s glad she urged her daughter to “sample” the many opportunities the university offers. Although her daughter changed her major several times during her first two years, she was introduced to a variety of fields and ultimately chose a path that would lead to a career in public health from a social services perspective.

“We basically said, ‘Here’s the goal, there are many different ways to reach it,’” Niedermeyer says, describing how she encouraged her daughter to explore out-of-class activities. “We talked about all of the different options. We wanted to teach her to be as independent as she could be.”